Apr 8, 2022
Cindy Jacob Southworth, an AACC Certified Relationship coach, and part of our Women World Leaders leadership team, shares with us ten secrets from couples who have successfully navigated through marriage and are still happy after 25 years or more. How do they do it? Listen to what matters most in these marriages.
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Welcome to Celebrating God’s Grace, a Women World Leaders Podcast. I am your host Cindy Jacob Southworth, an AACC certified relationship coach with Breakwater Ministries, and part of the Women World Leaders leadership team, and I am coming to you from Cindy’s Porch. Today I want to talk to you about the secrets I have learned from Happy Couples, but first let’s go to God in prayer.
Father, you created marriage, and you desire for us to live in harmony with one another. Help us to learn from your word today, how to maintain a harmonious relationship. We thank you and praise you, in Jesus name, Amen.
As a marriage coach, I am frequently searching the internet for information on marriages. In my most recent search, I found so many blogs, and most of them were negative. “Five Symptoms of a Failing Marriage.” “How to tell if you marriage is going south,” and even worse, “How to survive an intimacy-free marriage.”
What?? Really?? What about the positive side of marriage??
A couple years ago my husband and I bought a car. That is a stressor that can test your relationship! By the way, we survived it quite well. The sales rep that sold us the car shared with us that he has been happily married for 32 years! Amazing! He started telling us some things that they have done that “keep their marriage happy,” and they are worth passing on ....... along with some other nuggets we have heard from other “happy marriages.” See how many fit into your relationship.
- Happy couples have a date night once a month (some once a week ..... but the key is that it is a regular commitment!) Now even this commitment can cause some conflict, but this is what happy couples do: they commit to the same night each week (or month), they take turns deciding what they are going to do on the date, and some even put their favorite ideas in a jar, and pull one out when they are planning their next date. The most creative couples steer away from dinner and a movie, and use their creative ideas to keep it fun and fresh.
- Happy couples learned early on how to resolve conflict in the relationship. This is vitally important as many couples tell us they don’t know how to solve conflicts. As if they are magically going to go away! There is actually a conflict resolution tool that you can learn so that when conflicts arise, they can be settled amicably and avoid building resentment between you. Happy couples have learned how to use their conflict resolution tool wisely.
- Happy couples value each other’s careers and became each other’s cheerleaders at reaching our potential. This is so important as each person has equal value in the relationship, and both husband and wife need to know that their partner is as invested in their career as they are. One doesn’t have more or less value because of the amount of money they provide. This is true even if one spouse stays home to take care of the children or home-school. That is a career that doesn’t bring in income, but invests time in the family unit. It is important to have conversations to find out what your partner might need from you as they continue on the career path they have chosen. Work towards solutions that are best for the entire family.
- Happy couples worship together on a regular basis at an agreed upon place of worship, and invited God into their relationship. Ecc. 4:12 says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. It is so important to seek God first in your relationship. Happy couples worship together. Many couples who have come to us for help in the past admitted that either one did not go to church, or they went to separate churches, and eventually this caused a problem in their relationship. Find a place that you can worship together, and spend some time cultivating a spiritual connection with one another through prayer and devotional times.
- Happy couples partner together to raise the children, and show a united front with them. A happy home has parents who are on the same team, and the children know they cannot pit one parent against the other. Take some time away from the children and develop a parenting plan that both of you can agree on. Children get great security knowing that their parents love each other and are working together harmoniously.
- Happy couples got assistance for setting financial goals and were able to set boundaries in our finances. In today’s world, it is not difficult to find a financial coach, and they can be very valuable in helping you to make choices for your future. Planning when you are young will help you have great stability and security in the future. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help.
- In the relationship, She said, “My husband knows he is respected.” And He said, “My wife knows she is loved.” This is straight out of Ephesians 5 that commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and commands wives to respect their husbands.” Since we know that both men and women seek to be both loved and respected, why was this command given in this way? Well, according to Dr. Eggerich, the author of Love and Respect, men naturally know how to respect, but they have to focus effort on learning how to love their wife well. Likewise, women know how to love naturally, but they have to focus their effort at showing respect. So there you have it. Happy spouses focus their efforts where they know their spouse needs it the most, both in love and respect.
- Happy couples occasionally participate in a “marriage check-up,” whether it is a marriage retreat, encounter, or small group accountability. We ask ourselves, “How are we doing?” Happy couples attend weekend workshops where they can put their complete focus on their marriage. They have crucial conversations with each other that they normally don’t have at home, and they focus on the areas that need attention to make their marriage stronger.
10 Happy couples learned how to laugh at the small stuff. And most of it is small stuff. The more time passes, the more you come to realize that even in the most stressful situations, “this too shall pass.” God will see you through the most difficult of times, and Happy Spouses tough it out together. They know that God is sovereign and He will give them the strength and endurance to love and to cherish until death us do part!
I would love to hear from you, so drop me an email at Cindysporch@gmail.com Send me your ideas for relationship advice. What would you like to hear about on this podcast that has to do with marriage? Send me your questions about marriage.
Thank you so much for joining us today—as we celebrate God’s grace in our lives, in this ministry, and the world!
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