Jun 13, 2022
Jill Reynolds
Oh, it's my privilege. I'm so grateful to be here with you,
Kimberly.
Kimberly Hobbs
Jill is an awesome woman of God. And I had the privilege of being
interviewed on her show. And so we are so happy to have you. And
what you're gonna share with us today are our word is resilience,
ladies. So God says in His Word that every believer has received
grace gifts, so use them to serve one another as faithful stewards
of the many color tapestries of God's grace. First Peter 410. And
one of the things we like to do here at empowering lives with
purpose is use the gifts that God has given us. And we all have
different gifts and different ways to share and encourage one
another. And Jill is going to share with one to share with the
stories in her life that have allowed her to have victory in Jesus
and hoping that this will inspire you as well, if you can relate to
some of the things in her story that that have helped her overcome.
Jill, I want to share a little bit about our guest, Jill Reynolds
is the host of the connection show, where she is known for
inspiring hope, health and healing and moving guest stories from
victim to victory. Jill also uses her background in meeting and
event planning to create amazing conferences, weaving authentic up
close stories. She's a number one best selling author, and fiercely
faithful, where she shares her story called The essence of
humility. And at 28 Joe's life was a train wreck. She was addicted
to crack cocaine and alcohol. And she was down to 97 pounds. She
knew her life was hopeless. Her health was a disaster. Everything
felt impossible to her. And she prayed and asked God to give her
the resiliency to recover. Believing doing the hard work and
connecting the dots is what helped her get through her traumatic
childhood. And it brought her hope, health and healing her hard
work had paid off. Never give up ladies, connect the dots in your
story that will move you from being a victim to having victory in
your life through Jesus. And that's one of the things that Joe
would like to share with you today. She's from Branson, Missouri.
She is a survivor with multiple spiritual awakenings. And today she
has decided to share four of those with you in hopes that it is
going to encourage you and inspire you as well. So some of those
four stories that she's going to share. One of them is called her
wanted story. And I just want to share a Scripture before we start
out. And that says for you created my inmost Being You knit me
together in my mother's womb, Psalm 139 13. I praise you because I
am fearfully and wonderfully made. Jill, can you share your wanted
story with us today?
Jill Reynolds
I'd be grateful to do that. Thank you so much for the introduction.
And so I want to begin because I really truly believe that when God
created us, He created us in His image. And so my story begins I
have to share first on my mom. My mother was raised in a really sad
environment. Her parents divorced when she was little. And she went
to visit her mom at the home she lived at that had an elevator
building. And as my mom was there she was in the elevator kicking
her foot at the elevator and her toes got caught in the gate and
got cut off. So she was in a wheelchair at only seven years old.
And my grandfather owned a restaurant so they hurt my mom lived in
a boarding home with my uncle. And the man in the boarding home
picked her up out of the wheelchair. And he raped her at seven and
told her never to tell anyone. So my mom grew up with very much
disassociation, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. And so
she went off and married my dad had my sister right away, and
within six months was pregnant with me. It was just too much for
her to bear and so from the moment of conception, my mother did not
want me she did not want this baby. And so from the moment I was
born, I have memories of her never picking me up, even holding the
bottle out on the bed just to feed me, and being in the crib for
hours crying that ever been held, or picked up or loved or
unwanted. And so as I continued to grow up, my mom and I ended, it
caused me Kimberly to be nonverbal. And I was really shy and quiet.
And my mom would yell at me and say, Would you talk and I look at
her petrified. And she would just say, There's nothing good about
you who would ever want you, you're so ugly. The only thing good
about you is you ever cute nose. And that's all she would say. And
so I grew up with this horrific feeling that I just should never
ever have been born. And so that permeated through most of my
childhood, all of my childhood and into my adult life. And so after
becoming a Christian, and I would go to get some body work,
occasionally I was getting a massage. And I'd always pray that the
hands of the massage therapist would be the hands of guide. So as
she she was working on me in this room that just was It was dark,
who was candles in the room, she was not a Christian, she even had
a Buddha in the room. As she worked on me, all of a sudden my body
turned to the left. And I got into a fetal position and started to
suck my thumb. And all of a sudden, in my mind's eye, Kimberly, I
could see the sperm and the egg going to meet. And at that moment,
the entire room turned bright white is white as you can imagine.
And then the corner of the room I could see the essence of God. And
he put his hands out. And as he put his hands out, he picked up the
sperm, he picked up the egg, and he began forming it. And he said I
am the great I Am I am forming you in your mother's womb. And I'm
breathing life into you because you are wanted and all of a sudden
he just went
like this. And the biggest breath of air permeate permeated the massage room. And I could just feel him forming the in my mother's womb in this divine light coming in. Well, the amazing part of the story is again, the massage therapist was not a Christian. And at that moment, she turned on the light saying that the therapy session was over. And she looked at me and said, What just happened in here. I've never seen anything like this. And then the guy that worked in her building, he was getting on the elevator. And he looked at me and said, Jill, you must have had the best session ever. You look divine. And it was amazing. It was just so amazing. And so from that moment on, I could really feel in my heart that I was wanted. And another piece of the story that I never knew is that when a baby is born, the moment it comes out of the womb, the doctors have to cut the umbilical cord. Because if they don't, a baby living on the outside of the womb with the umbilical cord will die because it needs to take its first breath of life. So if you envision cutting an umbilical cord away from your mother, it's because at that moment, you need your own breath of life.
Kimberly Hobbs
Wow. And so God gave you in that massage room, a breath of life.
And maybe in your life you had heard that Scripture somewhere for
you created me and my inmost being and you knit me together in my
mother's womb. God was allowing you to get a vision in that room
that he was your daddy, he was your father. He wanted you and he
loved you. And he totally breathed that life into you that new life
that breath of fresh air that he was your dad and he was never
going to leave you.
Jill Reynolds
And for the audience to if you've ever experienced a feeling of
napping wanted you know sit quietly and envision Jesus or God
breathing life into you, informing you and telling you how much
you're loved and wanted because everyone that's listening could do
this exercise themselves and just envision guide breathing life
into you.
Kimberly Hobbs
Amen. And I know that there's a lot of people that struggle with
issues of feeling unwanted and and all triggers from childhood when
they feel you know that they have been left alone. They weren't a
One two child. There's all different kinds of stories of why we
feel that. But remember, please remember that our Father in Heaven
loves you, and He will never leave you or forsake you and he will,
he will get to you some way or another. And we'd like to know it's
through the power of His word, just like he reached you that day in
that massage room with that message, that you are fearfully and
wonderfully, wonderfully made, and he knit you together, you will
always be wanted in his eyes. And ladies, when you feel that God
has left you alone, there's another scripture those who know your
name trust in you for you, oh, Lord, do not abandon those who
search for you. That's Psalm 910. Which brings us into our next
story that you're going to share part of your life. Gel is your
train Wilson's story can you share about that? And how the
Scripture might come into the play there?
Jill Reynolds
Yes, the train whistle story is a story that permeate it just fills
my heart to this day. And so as I said, you know, my mother did not
want me and so by the time my mom got pregnant, the third time with
my brother, who's three years younger than me, she began having
marital affairs. And she fell in love with a man who was married.
And one day when my my lovely father, who was just the love of my
life, who took me to church every Sunday, and he gave me hugs and
tucked me in bed and read to me. One day, while my poor dad was at
work, she packed up our stuff. And she abandoned my father and
deserted him and moved us to in a little apartment, close to this
man, she was having the affair with. Well, the apartment was next
to the metro train. And so as I went to bed every night, as a
little five year old, I'd lay in bed and she was crying because my
dad's the one who typed me in bed and prayed with me, and I missed
him so much. And at night, I hear that train go by and the whistle
would blow and I'd be so mad, I'd say, I just want to go home to my
daddy, I just want to go home to my daddy. And so you know, we
eventually the funny part of the story, that funny part, but weird
how the Lord works. The man she was cheating with my dad, he died
of a heart attack five weeks later. And so the court ordered us to
move back home, but my parents divorced. So I got to see my dad
just on Sunday. And as I said, early, I was nonverbal. And the only
day I would talk would be on Sundays when I'd be with my dad. So he
had a big impact in my life. So fast forward the story. And what
then developed is years later, I had to go into treatment for
codependency. And I was at a codependent treatment center at a
little Baptist Hospital in Oklahoma. And every day, I'd go to the
prayer chapel and do my prayer and meditation before the day began.
So this one day, I was in the prayer chapel praying. And at that
moment, a train goes by and I hear a whistle. And I got really
angry. And I, I put my hands up to the heavens, and I just said,
God, I am so sick of feeling deserted and abandon, and I just can't
handle those train whistles.
And so it's so at that moment, right in the middle of the chapel, I could feel God's saying, you know, Jill, I know you invited me into your heart. But you, it's hard for you to turn your will over to me because you just don't trust that I'll stay with you. And so I kept struggling. And he said, By the way, I have never left you, I never will leave you and your dad never left you in he never will. He just couldn't be there because your mother left him. And so at that moment, right in the middle of the chapel, I put up my hands and said, I surrender all I'm turning my will over to you because I had invited in my heart. But I still wanted. I wanted the control. I needed the control. And so at that moment, I surrendered my will. And so from that point of my life, all the way to today, every step along the way when I've had to deal with trauma, or connecting the dots of my story in Christian therapy, a train has gone by so the first one was a treatment center from eating disorders in Arizona was in the desert, right in the middle of trauma therapy. The train would go by and here it's I'm in the desert in the middle of nowhere we're with this train come from and Then another treatment center I went to for an eating disorder was on 500 acres in the castle wood. Forest of St. Louis, right in the middle of trauma therapy, a train went by with the whistle. Then coming home from treatment, I went to a see a therapist I pulled up to her office is right on the corner of the metro train. Every time we press this trauma, the train would go by. And so then my husband and I needed to retire and we went and looked for homes in different cities couldn't find anything. So we decided to look for lots. We came to Branson, and we stepped onto this one lap, and the minute we stepped down to it and be at a sin like it's in a subdivision with 600, homes, condos, villas, lakes pools, we stepped foot and the minute we did a train whistle went by. And so we built our home here. And now, between one and 3am every day, the train goes by, and I smile. Now instead of getting angry, I says, I know you're trying to tell me something that you're here, what message do you want me to know? And believe it or not, that's the by when God gave me the vision, to tag by podcast show hope, health and healing. So he tells me prophetic things. That night when the train whistle goes by,
Kimberly Hobbs
I love that. I will say to me, those are confirmations. You know,
God speaks to all of us in different ways. And you took that as
something that God was telling you to trust in Him, and that he was
never going to leave you he was not going to abandon you. You
searched for him and he was there. And that verse that scripture,
Psalm 910, comes alive. And I think some women out there can relate
to this when you know we have things in our life that we know are
not a coincidence, that show up over and over. And God's trying to
get our attention. He's speaking to us in different ways.
Jill Reynolds
And if you and I want to share it for anyone out there who's ever
felt abandoned by God, to remember that he's never abandon us, or
left us we may have shifted and moved away from him. And sometimes
if you can just connect the dots, many people don't realize that
any issues around their dad, generally that are dealing with
feeling abandoned, then permeate where you think that Gods abandon
you too, because they're so closely aligned. And and I'm going to
just help you out. Kimberly got this horrible cold. So I'm talking
more than her even though she's the host, because this tickle keeps
happening in her throat. So I don't want to cause you to Yeah, go
ahead.
Kimberly Hobbs
Thank you. No, I appreciate that. Thank you. And I'm so sorry. And
we did try to start the podcast and stopped it one time because I
had a coughing fit. So this is very unusual. So I do appreciate
that. And I don't want to I don't want to stop. I just want to keep
going and I feel like we just pushed through it. But I want you to
take us into your your next part of your story, which is the lost
innocence story. And when you have been harmed and I think a lot of
women will be able to relate to this too. So you've been harmed at
different times in our life, right? And God's Word says that we're
hunted down but never abandoned by God. We're knocked down but we
are not destroyed. And you're going to see this in that second
Corinthians four nine and you're gonna see that in Jill's lost
innocence part of her story.
Jill Reynolds
Yeah, so again, I so again, when my mom divorced my dad, she ended
up remarrying again, twice. The first stepfather She remarried,
ended up being a bisexual, bigamous married to several different
women, and then alcoholic. And so there was a lot of physical
emotional sexual abuse going on in our home. And then they of
course, and then I witness him trying to actually murder my mom. So
he went to jail. And when she married the third time, this man
turned out to be a passive aggressive alcoholic, and I got a pop
up, I'll turn it off there and, and alcoholic, and he he would have
rage fits. So anyway, our house was pretty insane. And so again, as
I had mentioned earlier, as a result of my feelings of not being
unwanted, and being nonverbal and being so quiet If I was the one
who never got invited to prams or homecomings where my sister was
homecoming queen, and she was really popular, and so I just didn't
have boyfriends. So I had met a boy at a at a dance club, and he
was 17. And I was 14. And they invited me one Saturday to his home,
I was really excited. I don't remember how I got there. But I
remember walking in and he had hardwood floors and a floor of
floral couch that was under a window, we sat down, and we began to
talk. And I was really excited. And as we began to talk, the next
thing I knew, is he kind of pushed me down and started to kiss me.
And it was like one of my first kisses from a boy. And as he did,
and I laid there, and he laid on top of me, and he was pretty
muscular. And I was only like, very little, like 97, 98 pounds, I
didn't weigh much at all.
He pulled my pants down, and he penetrated me and he raped me. And as he did this, afterwards, he pulled his pants up. And he said, I broke your cherry, I made you a woman, you can now leave. And I remember getting up completely and just totally traumatized. But I remember walking back home five miles on the side of the road, crying and bleeding. And it seems like it took forever to get home. And as I as I continue taking those steps, I remember turning on that last block to my home and the moment I got home running into my house, taking a shower and hiding. And I remembered after that sometimes I would sit on the couch with my legs up, and my mother would pull them down and say sit like a lady. And I remember just being so freaked out Kimberly because I needed to protect myself. But I never told a soul because I felt my mom would tell me if it was your fault. And I thought my dad would kill him. So I kept it a secret until I got into my 40s. So that was my lost innocence. And it really affected me and i i would say within within a month or so of that I started to take white and feta means so that I wouldn't eat. And I kept taking those by the handful. So I would starve because I thought the more I starved, I wouldn't form my body. And so I started to wear flannel shirts, blue jeans and chick kicker boots. And I tried to look as on feminine as I possibly could. And after that I kind of lost my body. I didn't even know it was part of me anymore. I felt like I was outside of it. And at 18 I had an opportunity to get an interview at the Chicago Playboy Club, I put on the bunny outfit get hired, took it home. And two days later, I returned it. Because I wasn't ready to be that feminine. I could wear the outfit, it was weird. But what I couldn't do is wear fake eyelashes or nails or stiletto heels, because it made me feel too much like a woman. And so I kept trying to mask my femininity. And later on in life when I was in treatment for my eating disorder. I asked the therapist I said I don't understand why all these girls have all these body image issues, what's with their body image issues. And the therapist looked at me and said, I said I have a problem with body image, I could put a bathing suit on and go swimming, and I'm overweight and it doesn't bother me at all. And the therapist goes, chill, that's because you don't even know you have a body. It's so severe. And I was like, really. And so that's where I started my healing of my body image issues. If any of you out there struggle from it, I was able to start doing work and healing from that lost image and the loss of my body.
Kimberly Hobbs
So let's talk about that for a moment because there are women that
are identifying with you that have been through similar situations.
So in order to heal from that place of severe image issues. How did
God come into the picture at that time? What was he doing that
allowed you to know that he was trying to move you on a certain
path?
Jill Reynolds
Well, it took a while before that came in because I still I still
and so I wouldn't say from the time I got raped, but when I started
to go into treatment by that time when I got into treatment, I had
already invited Jesus into my life so he was doing so work in me.
So I would say the healing he started to do in me was to put me
into the finest treatment centers in the country. And some of the
exercises that we did in treatment was we'd say, we would sit in
front of a mirror. And we'd look into and stare at ourselves and
say, I love your eyes, because they help you to see, you know, and
I could say, help me to see God's glory. They helped me to see
God's beauty. They helped me to see others. I love my arms, because
God's given me these amazing arms, so that I can touch things and
hug others. And I love my legs, because God's given me these
amazing legs, the legs that helped me to get from place to place,
and I love my torso, because it holds my vital organs that keep me
alive and give me the breath of life, my lungs and all these
things. So he started to show me how I can manifest and see my body
in a different light.
Kimberly Hobbs
That's beautiful. That's beautiful, back to that verse at the
beginning that you created me and my inmost beings and You knit me
together in my mother's wombs with excellence, God created you in a
beautiful way, and you had a thankful heart, to, to give back to
him. And you said, how you loved all these different parts that God
created. That was giving him that acknowledgement of how he created
you and seeing you for his beautiful creation. God's Word says
that, you know, we are our masterpiece, he created a masterpiece
and all of us. And we are created in the new in Christ Jesus to do
the very good things he planned for us long ago. And so that was
part of your healing was to acknowledge,
Jill Reynolds
One verse is He who began a good work and you will be faithful to
completed until the return of Christ. And so he began this great
work in me. And then, you know, I guess we'll lead it to my last
story, because that kind of brings it home, which was in my book,
fiercely faithful that I wrote, and that was the essence of
humility. And so the spiritual awakening then that took place as I,
as I progressed into heaven, from the time I got raped, and then
left home at 18, I ended up becoming a crack cocaine addict and
alcoholic, I became a sex addict sleeping with everyone that gave
me cocaine. I, my eating disorder got crazy, I would just live on
one bowl of cereal for seven years, I should have been dead. And so
God took ahold of me in 1980, where I found him in San Diego, and
invited him into my heart and I hit a spiritual awakening where he
completely delivered me if my crack cocaine and alcoholism told me
to move back to Chicago, I began going to a large church in
Chicago. And I was involved in the single's ministry, and the
desire to use drugs completely left me. The desire to sleep around
completely left me I became celibate. And I was very active in my
church, and then one day, but right before that I had had met a one
guy slept with him one time. And one day, seven months later, he
called me and said, Joe, I have some good coke. Can I come over?
And I says, Well, Joey, I don't do drugs anymore. And I'm not
sleeping around. He said, why? And I said, Because I found God. And
so he said, Well, can I come over so you can tell me about God? So
I let him come over that snowing it was Satan coming over. And
within five minutes, he pulled out a violent Coke, and I got high.
And my background was when people turned to me and I thought I had
to give them sex. And so I said, Well, I can't have sex because I'm
not on birth control. He said, Oh, don't worry, I've had a
vasectomy. So I slept with them. And four weeks later was pregnant.
And before I became a Christian, Kimberly, while I was very active
in my addictions, I got pregnant with my boyfriend twice and had
two abortions. So I tried to reason with God and said, God, there's
only one sin that none of us can hide behind. And that's the sin of
fornicating and getting pregnant outside of marriage, and then, and
then the pregnancy the whole world knows because you're pregnant.
And so I felt very embarrassed and very humiliated and ashamed that
all my Christian friends would know. And I couldn't hide behind my
sin. So I said to Catholic well help me just have one more
abortion, just one more. And so I planned to have the abortion and
three days before I felt God was telling me to take a hot bath. I
always took showers so I I went into the bathroom, turned off the
lights, put on some candles and I cried out to God, God, please
forgive me. I gotta have this abortion. And as I did, I could see
Jesus walking down the path here. During the cross, and as he was
falling to the ground as he was being beaten, mocked, spat out and
ridiculed. He looked at me and he said, looked up and said, Jill,
why do you care what BAM thinks of you, when I suffered more
embarrassment, humiliation and shame than any anyone in the world
will ever face. And for that moment, he shared that with me,
Kimberly, this feeling came over me that I shouldn't care what my
friends at church thought about me, or with anyone ever thought
about me there, that moment forward, and I cancelled my abortion.
And my son, Jeremy is 39. And I have three grandkids and and that
became my essence of humility. And so for the listeners, if any of
you have ever felt embarrassed, humiliated, or shamed and felt like
you couldn't face another day of what people would think of you,
just close your eyes and see Jesus falling to the ground on the
cross bleeding and suffering for you.
Kimberly Hobbs
Amen, amen. We need to be aware that God is always moving. He's
always moving in our life and moving us along the path. And I know,
Jill, that you talked about resiliency when we talked about your
life, in our conversation prior to this. And resiliency is
important in recovering in the challenges that life throws our way.
So another word for resilience in the Bible could be perseverance.
And we need to develop that core of beliefs that nothing can shake
us. It's so very important, the Bible says, but be transformed by
the renewing of your mind that you may prove that which is good and
acceptable in the perfect will of God. That's Romans 12 to two and
know that God has a plan for your life. Ladies, he has a plan, he
had a plan for Jill's life. It's amazing how he brought her through
all of these traumatic experiences in her life. And she was able to
overcome and he was with her every step of the way. Can you leave a
final word with the women that may be identifying with the four
stories of you know, just what is your your word of encouragement
when it comes to the word resiliency? Because you told me that was
an important word for you?
Jill Reynolds
Yeah, well, one of my life verses is no condemnation has seized you
except with his common demand. And God is faithful, He will not let
you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,
He will provide a way out. And so that life first has to do with
perseverance and resiliency, because temptation, and he says, In
this world, there will be trouble. And so those people listening
today in your life, there's going to be trouble, there's going to
be temptation, and there's going to be testing. And so I pray that
she'll turn to God, and have him hold you up, and give you the
strength to persevere, and to have resiliency in your life. So that
you can see the glory of God and what he's got for you ahead. When
you just turned to him, instead of feeling like it's hopeless and
that there's nothing and that life's not worth living. He's got a
plan for you.
Kimberly Hobbs
He does have a plan for each and every one of us that says, Call me
when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give
me glory. Psalm 50, verse five, and I know that is true of your
life, Jill, and that God rescued you from each of those situations
in your life. And now you are giving him glory and what you are
doing with your life. And I am just so grateful to call you a
sister in Christ. I'm grateful for what you're doing, sharing the
stories and connecting the god dots with other women so that they
can relate. Romans 828 says God causes everything to work together
for good. So ladies, God gives us these stories. And, and he does
work everything together for good.
Jill Reynolds
I want to I want to leave this audience to if I could, if you don't
mind, with two songs, two songs. The one song is by the Christian
artist, Dara McLean, MC L E A N and she's got a song called wanted.
Listen to that. It's amazing. The other one was Tommy Walker. He
had a song years ago called he's turned my morning, M O U RN into
dancing. And when I finally met my husband we dated seven years got
married 21 years ago, that was the song I played as they pronounced
as husband and wife, and we danced down the aisle, he's turned my
mourning into dancing again. And it's like, you know, you can go
through all this trauma. But he turns that morning into joy and
dancing. So I'm the, the low note of all my pain and struggles, I
had to end with a high note of turning your mourning into dancing.
And I also wanted to end with letting the ladies know that we're
going to be doing an Esther's rising conference in Branson, October
27, to 29. And for all of you to come and hear amazing stories of
Esther's rising.
Kimberly Hobbs
Oh, thank you for that invitation. So he, Jill and you can listen
to Jill and her podcasts. How can they find you, Jill?
Jill Reynolds
Well, the best way to find me is to go to my website, which is
braveheartworkshops.com. And I'm there you can click on all my
icons that have my links to my YouTube channel, my rumble channel,
my tic tac, my Facebook, and it also has the event page. So you can
register for the Esther's rising conference in Branson, and come be
with us in Branson.
Kimberly Hobbs
Amen. Amen. Well, thank you for that invitation again. And thank
you for carrying some of the weight because my voice has gone and I
didn't want to start coughing again. But I do appreciate you, Jill,
and that you took some time to come on with us. And ladies, thank
you for the time that you gave to share with us today. And I pray
that God blesses each and every one of you through the stories that
are shared, and that you can find something to take to heart that
God would have just for you. So remember, ladies hat. We have so
many things available women, world leaders. If you are looking to
get involved in ministry or serve God where He has called you, we
have a place for you here where you can use your gifts and talents
for him. Or maybe you want to share your story so that others can
be inspired with hope and healing and identify with what you've
gone through. So just remember, we are here for you every Monday,
Wednesday and Fridays with these podcasts. From his heart to yours.
We are women world leaders. Thank you to our guests Joel Reynolds
for joining us today. And remember all content is copyrighted and
cannot be used without expressed written consent. God bless each
and every one of you and have a wonderful day.